We spend our whole lives seeking out who we are. We’re often defined by where we grow up, our careers, the people we surround ourselves with… but is that truly the essence of one’s self? Or is there more to that picture? From 2019 to 2022, Kim Namjoon pondered this question often. As his band, BTS, rose to the heights of superstardom, he found himself yearning to feel the ground beneath his feet again. This week we’ll explore the process by which he navigated his members through unprecedented global upheaval, all while chronicling the latter half of his twenties and searching for himself through the medium of art. This is the journey of RM’s first solo album, 2022’s Indigo.

Kim Namjoon has never been afraid of change. Which is good—adaptability is one of the most important qualities of leadership, and he happens to be the leader of the biggest music group in the world. In 2015, BTS released The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1, and it symbolized a significant change in the direction of their career. It was significantly different not only from BTS’ prior album era, but also to the mixtape Rap Monster had just put out about a month prior. RM was raw and often abrasive. The next couple of years of his and BTS’ career would continue to bring increasing amounts of change, which Namjoon would observe, analyze, and (of course) write about. By the time he released his next mixtape, mono. in late 2018, he was ready to share with the world how he’d developed both personally and artistically since his last project. Perhaps the most significant example of that growth he’d experienced, was the shift in his mindset from Rap Monster to RM… Real Me.

The beginning of 2013 brought a renewed sense of purpose to 18 year-old Kim Namjoon. He’d been a trainee at Big Hit Entertainment for three years, by that point, and as another new year was getting started, it felt like a make or break moment for him. In a series of VLOGs he filmed that January, he expressed both confidence and confusion… not unusual for someone his age. However, rather than ruminating on typical teenage worries like grades and relationships, he was dealing with warring narratives in his head over his budding music career. In one corner—the underground rap community he’d been part of before becoming a trainee—whispering in his ears that he was losing his edge and on his way to selling out. In the other corner—the higher ups at Big Hit—telling him he needed to forget his former peers and live up to his potential as a rapper. And at the center—a young man who was determined to share his talent with the world.