WEEK 45 | If Love and Hate are the Same Words...

Monday Muster
Written By Quince

November 11-17, 2024

Change.

Because I’m not an amazing technician or anything… each and every song… I put every last fiber of my being into making them.

Kim Namjoon has never been afraid of change. Which is good—adaptability is one of the most important qualities of leadership, and he happens to be the leader of the biggest music group in the world. 

Rap Monster HYYH Pt 1 Photoshoot

In 2015, BTS released The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1, and it symbolized a significant change in the direction of their career. Gone suddenly were the trappings of stereotypical hip-hop culture—chunky chains, heavy eyeliner, and streetwear style clothing. The concept for the group’s new album saw them exploring the sensitive and often painful aspects of youth and coming of age—they donned soft colors, jeans and fuzzy sweaters. Snapbacks were replaced by berets and suspenders.

It was different not only from BTS’ prior album era, but also to the mixtape Rap Monster had just put out about a month prior. RM was raw and often abrasive. With tracks like “Do You” and “Joke”, it would have made sense for listeners at the time to have difficulty reconciling the artist who made that mixtape, with the one who was now singing “I Need U” and winning music shows. But Namjoon had summed it up himself in the lyrics of “Do You”:

I’m not pop, I’m not rock, I’m not funk, I’m not R&B or hip-hop.

 

The next couple of years of his and BTS’ career would continue to bring increasing amounts of change, which Namjoon would observe, analyze, and (of course) write about. By the time he released his next mixtape, mono. in late 2018, he was ready to share with the world how he’d developed both personally and artistically since his last project. Perhaps the most significant example of that growth he’d experienced, was the shift in his mindset from Rap Monster to RM… Real Me.

 
 
 
 
 

Skip to Content: Day One | Day Two | Day Three | Day Four | Day Five

 

DAY ONE:

At first, Namjoon just wanted to be a good rapper. From his time in the underground rap scene through his years as a trainee under Big Hit, he just wanted to show his skills on the mic and prove that he could achieve greatness. After BTS debuted, and his talents as a songwriter became equally, if not more, important to the group, he realized that creating a well-written verse and/or song was essential to his success.

The change in the sound and subject matter BTS began to explore from 2015 through 2017 is a testament to Namjoon’s new outlook on his creative process. As he questioned his thoughts and feelings, so too did both his and the group’s music. The HYYH (The Most Beautiful Moment in Life) series continued with two more EPs, followed by their landmark second studio album, WINGS. During this time, BTS began to see their star on the rise. Music show wins were followed by more prestigious award show trophies, including their first daesang at the end of 2016.

To be fair, they all looked pretty surprised at the win—not just Namjoon. 2016 MMA Awards ‘Best Album of the Year’ goes to BTS!

With the accolades came the inevitable backlash. They had been a rag-tag group, from a nothing company. Meant to be a flash in the pan that was gone after a few years. But they’d surprised everyone by never giving up, and more importantly, by evolving. As they drew attention away from their competitors, outrage and disbelief led to smear campaigns and accusations of dubious business practices against them. BTS and Big Hit were accused of sajaegi (a term used to describe the illegal practice of manipulating music charts), and had to defend themselves against the charges in court.

RM and SUGA had practice remaining calm in the face of criticism.  Kim Bong-hyun's Hip-Hop Invitational Podcast from November 2013.

Personal attacks continued during this time as well. As BTS’ success grew, so too did the ire from their detractors. Now Rap Monster was an even bigger sellout, according to some. He was putting on makeup and “acting like a girl” but was still “too ugly” to be a real Idol. The lyrics he wrote were “derivative” and not “real hip-hop”. And so on and so forth. At the beginning of 2017, he released a song as a gift for ARMY entitled “Always”. In it, he tackled his innermost fears and demons, which include how he felt in the wake of ongoing criticism.

Why is it that I’m being so earnest

Yet it’s not working out?

The song was a lament. It was all of Namjoon’s deepest darkest feelings laid bare—loneliness, sadness, and confusion over being misunderstood. When you listen to it, it feels like the lowest point someone could reach, and yet, there’s still a note of hope there—a desire to reach out for connection. This is why Namjoon decided to release the song, even though by the time he did, he ultimately didn’t feel that way any longer. But he wanted to be real and authentic with ARMY, and to show that he had come through to the other side with a better understanding of his real self. His “real me”… RM.

 

MCOUNTDOWN 2016 KCON in NY BTS (Rap Monster) MC Cut

 
 

RM, WALE “Change”

 

Fun Fact:

RM on a TV show where he accidentally time travels to relive certain moments in history? Sign me up! Oh wait, it was cancelled? Boo.

Thus was the premise of “Gurachacha Time Slip: New Boy”, which starred a group of Korean entertainers and TV personalities, with RM being signed on as the group’s maknae.

Unfortunately the show didn’t make it past the pilot episode. It was canceled pretty quickly. But at least we have it to watch. Please enjoy Namjoon being ridiculously uncomfortable as the youngest person in the room, while he and the others “travel back in time” to 1983 for a little bit.

  1. Gurachacha Time Slip New Boys (BTS RM) 1/5 (13:02)

  2. Gurachacha Time Slip New Boys (BTS RM) 2/5 (13:16)

  3. Gurachacha Time Slip New Boys (BTS RM) 3/5 (13:05)

  4. Gurachacha Time Slip New Boys (BTS RM) 4/5 (13:26)

  5. Gurachacha Time Slip New Boys (BTS RM) 5/5 (25:45)

 
 

DAY TWO:

RM and Wale

RM’s conviction toward elevating his songwriting wasn’t confined to BTS or his own personal projects. It extended to any collaboration he took part in as well. 2017 saw him joining forces with many different artists, from all different genres of music. He gave each one the same amount of care and attention he gave to his own songs.


Back in 2012 he had recorded a short clip of himself rapping over a sample from a track by American rapper Wale. A few years later, a mutual fan dug it up, posted it on Twitter, and tagged Wale. Impressed, and always eager to work with fresh talent, the rapper retweeted the post, tagged BTS, and very simply asked RM, “Collab?”

Their song “Change” released in 2017, and Namjoon said when they were working on it, Wale asked him what he wanted to do. And they could have made a party anthem, or a love song, but instead they wanted to focus on trying to affect change in the world.

RM and Gaeko

It was the same when he featured on the track “Gajah” with South Korean rapper Gaeko, from the hip-hop group Dynamic Duo. Gaeko had been an early influence on Namjoon, so when given a chance to work with him on a song, what they created was an ode to being grateful and never forgetting where they came from.

And then when Fall Out Boy invited him to do a remix of “Champion” with them—a song about having the conviction to make it through one’s darkest times, RM’s verses come in with even more passion. He raps about how hard it is just to live—to get through each day still breathing, but that ultimately, it’s worth it. It’s worth chronicling, it’s worth searching for connection… it’s worth living.

If somebody gotta be, then I'mma be the messenger
I'm just too young, don't know what to believe in
But too young, you know, not to be living

 

Namjoon Rap to Fall Out Boy “Champion Remix” VLive Clip

 
 
 
 
 

Bangtan Bubble: Do you, like RM, find yourself lonely and always searching for connection?

 
 

Let us know your answer in the comments below or on social media (include #BangtanBubble)!

 

DAY THREE:

2017 turned out to be a pretty tough year for BTS, and for RM. An unrelenting schedule, bolstered by a massive world tour, tested his newfound self-discovery and made him question his commitment to the music industry. The entire group was suffering from burnout, they were frustrated, and unsure of how they could continue if changes to the system around them weren’t made.

As 2017 dissolved into 2018, talk of disbandment surfaced amongst the members. Even though they were still well over a year away from their initial contract ending, the topic of early renewal was raised as well—likely as a bargaining tool for enacting some of the changes to their schedules they knew needed to happen. Since debuting in 2013, they’d never taken a real break. And after a succession of back to back albums and tours, the cracks were starting to show.

Namjoon in “Leader Mode” on the red carpet for the 2018 Billboard Music Awards

For his part, Namjoon was tired, and shared his fellow member’s frustrations, but he also knew that BTS was on the edge of a very important precipice. 2017, though exhausting, had seen them gain a foothold outside of South Korea. They were beginning to make a buzz in the West as well, which included winning trophies at American music award shows. How could they stop now, when they were about to see all of their hard work come to fruition? But as the leader, it was his job to take everyone’s concerns to the company, hear their thoughts, and mediate between the two. It can’t have been easy.


In the end, BTS did renew their contracts with Big Hit, and they did it earlier than they needed to. They took a well-deserved break at the end of the summer of 2018, and when they came back, RM dropped mono. It hit SoundCloud and fans immediately noticed that it was called a “playlist”, not a mixtape. When he went live to discuss the album, RM said that he did that because he wanted listeners to think of it as a record of him from 2016 to 2018. He wanted them to go on that journey with him, as he arranged it—as though it was a studio album, not a mixtape of random tracks.

RM’s mono. cover

And indeed, mono. is a journey. It’s a hero’s quest to find a balance in life between love and hate. When you listen to songs like “tokyo” and “seoul” it’s clear that Namjoon is trying to reconcile the warring feelings within himself. There is the love for what he does—writing and creating music, performing it with his members and making fans happy. But it’s tempered by the hate he feels for the trappings of the world around him—the terrible things said about him and BTS, the exhausting schedules, the duplicitous nature of the music industry. And above all else—the crushing weight and expectations put upon him by fame.

“moonchild”, which is quite possibly my favorite solo song RM has ever released, is him telling himself to move past the conflicting feelings trying to hold him back. To me, it feels like his answer to the disbandment question.

It's okay to shed the tears
But don't you tear yourself

Moonchild, you shine
When moon rise, it's your time
Come on, ya'll
Moonchild, don't cry
When moon rise, it's your time


It reminds me instantly of the lyrics to “Outro: Tear”, which is another song that is about how the members of BTS felt while considering disbanding. That song focused on the negativity they felt while working through their emotions, but “moonchild” moves past them. The lyrics tell us to get it out, but don’t let it destroy you. This wasn’t the time for Namjoon, or BTS, to end. It was their time to shine.

 

RM of BTS: “seoul” From mono. Album; Live Performance NPR Tiny Desk

 
 

RM “seoul” (Prod. Honne)” Official Lyric Video

 

RM “moonchild” Official Lyric Video

 
 

Fun Fact

RM talks mono.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—there’s really not much I enjoy more than listening to Kim Namjoon talk about making music. It’s exciting when he’s talking about BTS albums, but there’s something even more special when he breaks down his own solo music.

In this VLIVE he did just after mono.’s release, not only does he go in-depth about all the songs, but he also talks about his overall vision, including why he wanted it listed as a “playlist” and not a “mixtape”.

His growth from RM to mono. is clearly evident as he discusses his motivations for each track. It’s obvious that his personal experiences and feelings were the inspiration behind the project, and it’s always fascinating to watch Namjoon put his feelings into words.

  1. RM MONO Behind 😎 | VLIVE (47:07)

 

DAY FOUR:

 

BTS [RM] X Dispatch - Behind the 2018 Billboard Music Awards

I’ve discussed in this blog before, while I’m not a very emotional person, there is a short list of BTS and BTS member songs that are guaranteed to make me cry pretty much every time I hear them. While I’m no where nearly as prolific as Kim Namjoon, I consider myself to also be a wordsmith. I relate to his passion for writing on a very deep level. So, it should come to no surprise that many of the songs that make me cry were at least partially written by him.

On mono. it’s “everythingoes” (ft. South Korean alternative rock band Nell). When we go through something incredibly overwhelming and life-changing, we often experience a cathartic release of emotions afterwards—like a really cleansing cry. This is what “everythingoes” feels like to me. From the moment it starts, the gentle music sweeps in and invites us to just feel.

It passes
(Everything, everything, everything goes
Everything, everything, everything goes)
It passes
(Everything, everything, everything goes
Everything, everything, everything goes)
It passes
(Everything, everything, everything goes
Everything, everything, everything goes)
It passes


RM’s verses talk of seasons changing, day becoming night, life and death… inevitable change. He tells us to embrace it rather than just letting it all happen around us. It may be difficult, but it will all pass. Listening to this song unlocks something… it helps me let go of unnecessary shit I don’t need to hold on to. And while it doesn’t offer solutions, it offers comfort and a sense that the world will keep turning in the way it’s meant to.

The final track, “forever rain” follows that up brilliantly. It doesn’t offer a cheerful resolution to the end of the journey, merely a quietly resolute one. The lyrics tell us there is still sadness and uncertainty in life sometimes, but Namjoon is determined to remain himself, and to keep working through it.

“forever rain” M/V

Gonna breathe a little slower
'Cause my life and my rap, they're usually too fast

Now everything goes back to its place
My shadow's reflected on the sky
I'm standing on the darkness
Head down to my heels, yeah

Slow rap, slow jam, slow rain
Everything slow
Slow rap, slow jam, slow rain
Everything slow


To me, mono. feels like RM’s journey through acceptance. He begins with a tumultuous relationship with himself and his life. He knows he’s doing what he loves, but hates the way he has to do it. Gradually he realizes that he has the power to affect change and to take ownership of this time that belongs to him. And through that, he finds peace and understanding. It’s a brilliant homage to self-reflection and actualization.

 

RM is Overwhelming DICON 10th

 
 

“Everythingoes (with Nell)” Lyrics Video

 

RM “forever rain” M/V

Fun Fact:

Let’s take a trip to the “Seoul Town Road”…

In 2019, Lil Nas X was on top of the Billboard charts with his genre-defying smash hit “Old Town Road”. He’d spent 16 weeks there with the help of a few remixes, including one from famed country singer, (and Miley’s dad) Billy Ray Cyrus.

Looking to secure a record-breaking 17 weeks at Number 1, Lil Nas X released one more remix, this time featuring RM of BTS. The title was accordingly changed to “Seoul Town Road” and RM bounced his way onto the track with a cute southern drawl, and pushed the song even further into the stratosphere.

When it was nominated for a Grammy the following year, Lil Nas X invited RM to perform with him at the award ceremony, and he accepted. And, brought the rest of BTS along with him. Their performance is legendary, and… super rude. We have this song to thank for the birth of “Kitty Gang Jimin”, after all…

  1. "OLD TOWN ROAD (FEAT. RM OF BTS) (SEOUL TOWN ROAD REMIX)" | OFFICIAL AUDIO (1:55)

  2. "SEOUL TOWN ROAD REMIX" (LIL NAS X FEAT RM) | COLOR CODED LYRICS (2:01)

  3. "OLD TOWN ROAD" LIVE PERFORMANCE | 2020 GRAMMYS (5:12)

  4. EPISODE: BTS | 62ND GRAMMY AWARDS (26:23)

  5. BTS DANCE OTR WITH EDGAR, BRIAN, AND CHELSEA! | 97.1 AMP (0:43)

  6. "SEOUL TOWN ROAD REMIX" (LIL NAS X FEAT RM) | FMV (2:08)

 
 

DAY FIVE:

Looking back at it now, the bulk of 2018, after their contract renewal, seemed to be BTS reaffirming, for themselves, everything they loved about being BTS—and what they loved about each other. It’s fitting, as they were in the middle of their Love Yourself series at the time. When they sat down in July of that year and answered questions about each other, Namjoon’s six brothers had a lot of praise for him.

“Ddaeng” Performance BTS Prom Party Unit Stage 2018

SUGA and j-hope in particular praised his ability to lead them confidently, despite not being the oldest member. Jimin acknowledged that while it must be difficult for him to be their focal point, he always maintained a sense of responsibility for keeping them moving forward while self-reflecting on their past. Both V and Jung Kook said they learned a lot from him, V also being particularly impressed with his language skills. Lastly, Jin expressed awe over his way with words, especially his songwriting abilities.


And in the midst of such a difficult year, RM kept doing what he did best. He kept leading by example. He wrote song after song, like ARMY-favorite “Ddaeng” (with SUGA and j-hope)—a brilliant use of wordplay to let the haters know that BTS was here to stay. He also sought out more meaningful collaborations like “Timeless” with Tiger JK, a song about the importance of building a worthy legacy for yourself, and “Winter Flower” with Youna, which was about being supportive of someone close to you going through tough times.

Namjoon’s speech at the United Nations 2018

He also, and no big deal here, was invited to speak at the United Nations about BTS’ “Love Yourself” campaign partnership with UNICEF. His speech was poised, yet impassioned, and delivered entirely in English. He spoke about self-acceptance, and how it’s important to believe in yourself and your dreams no matter what. Because even if you’re just “seven normal boys from Korea”, you never know what could happen if you don’t give up—if you let yourself shine.

 
 
 
 

KB Star Banking X BTS - Making Film by KB Kookmin Bank (RM)

 

“Ddaeng” Stage Mix

 

Bangtan Bomb: BTS Prom Party: Unit Stage Behind - “Ddaeng”

 

Younha - “Winter Flower” Feat. RM

 
 
 
 

Bangtan Bubble: What do you think is RM’s greatest leadership quality?

 

Let us know your answer in the comments below or on social media (include #BangtanBubble)!

 
 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I’ve often marveled at RM’s unwavering ability to self-reflect and his commitment to doing so over and over again. When we go to therapy, whether it’s to deal with a specific trauma, or to get a handle on the way we’re feeling at a certain point in life, we often think, “Okay, if I can just get to the bottom of this, it’ll fix everything.” And that once everything is “fixed” we can move on and never worry about it again. But that’s not realistic. Emotions and feelings crop up over and over again in our lives, and Namjoon’s ability to accept that as young as he did, is astounding.

As is his ability to do so through writing music. mono. is a snapshot of a chapter in his life that required reflection and processing. Next week we’ll discover another chapter—through RM’s first studio album, Indigo. 2019 through 2022 saw Namjoon dealing with the pandemic and BTS’ meteoric rise to superstardom, while watching the decade of his twenties draw to a close.

 
 
 

Side Quest

I don’t know about you, but I can listen to Kim Namjoon talk forever.

Do you have comfort shows, movies, or albums you put on when you just need to feel better or be taken out of whatever is going on in your life at that moment? Of course you do. So do I.

If I can’t sleep, I’ll turn on “The Great British Baking Show”. When I’m sick, I want classic movies—Gene Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. My favorites are “Singin’ in the Rain” and “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”.

But when I’m feeling anxious and unsure… over the last couple of years, I’ve turned to BTS. In particular, I’ve often found myself seeking out RM’s livestreams. He has a uncanny ability to both comfort and inspire with his words at the same time. He often speaks in English, but even when he doesn’t, and I’m not feeling up to reading the subtitles, his voice is comforting and brings me joy.

If you don’t already feel the same, you will by the time you’ve watched all of these VLIVES. Trust me.

 
 
 
 

161214 BTS Live: RM

 
 

CREDITS:

YouTube/Web

BANGTANTV, HYBE LABELS, • m i n a m o c h i •, 1theK (원더케이), AFBF7, Angelika Dwi Sarah, Anny Fuentes, ARMY UNNIE SUBS, ASKANYTHINGCHAT, AYDA, Bangtaesthicc, Bangtan Bulletproof, BANGTAN SUBS, BANGTANFM, bangtanway, Billboard News, BTS BABY BOY, BTS Christine Bonbon, BTS Italia, BTS LIVE ARCHIVE, BTS SQUAD, BTS_ARMY_I, BTS_twt, Claire CvCoats, DICON, DKDKTV, ENJOY BTS MORE, everythingoes, fangirl lyrics, Feel Ghood Music [필굿뮤직], gottagoget'em, Graphics By Dawn, Grr MUSIC, HONNE, JAEGUCHI, Jeon Songhan 전송한, K Things, KARENGRACE BANGTAN, KB국민은행, Koo Gyeom Fairy Baby, Kushal Sunuwar, KWAI MING Chan, LEMORING, Lil Nas X, MBC ENTERTAINMENT, Minidance, Music Choice, NAOMJOONIE, NaWal, PARK JIMW, Piper, PUMA, Run BTS, SariBangtan, SBS Entertainment, secretharem, TV-People, VisitSeoul TV, xXKazumiKyuxX, Yeontan Kim, 갓멋, 깜짝2; Web: ok:ru

ARMY Project 529 Volunteers

Research Team: Angel (TikTok: Lilangel2828), Leslie Day (TikTok: Leslie Day), Merry (TikTok: merryj67), Sam T (TikTok: samt_26), Shelley (TikTok: shels167), Trudy (TikTok: theeducationmommy), Viv (TikTok: VivEliz); Video Team: Leslie Day (TikTok: Leslie Day), Namz (TikTok: Namz07)

 
 

Join us on TikTok every Sunday evening at 8pm ET for #the529live, a wrap up of each week's “Monday Muster”, thoughtful discussions, and tons of laughter! It’s hosted by AP529 Founder, Stefne, on her channel (@StefARMYProject529). Catch us every Wednesday night at 9pm ET on our project channel (@ARMYProject529) for #the529tea, when we dish about all the news going on with Bangtan. 

If you can't watch in real time and want to catch up later, Lives are recorded and posted to our YouTube (@ARMY Project 529).


Quince
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WEEK 46 | When Your Feet Don’t Touch the Ground.
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